Recognising love

It has been normal for a long time now to organise farewell dinners or meetings for colleagues at work when they quit. It has also become normal to 'gift' the outgoing person as a show of love. While this sounds great, lately I have become disturbed by the increasing trend of what people think of how much a person should be gifted. There was one conversation I was in, where this colleague of mine who was collecting money for buying a farewell gift was shocked to find that one of our team members had given 'just' Rs 100 and that for the subsequent farewell (which was to be of our team leader), we should all pitch in with at least Rs 500 per person. 

I retorted immediately saying we really should not be putting any cap on what people offer and that one's presence at the farewell function should be more than enough to show one's love for the outgoing colleague. To counter even this last point, just because Gandhiji was not present at Nehru's Freedom at midnight speech, doesn't mean he loved India any less. (For the facts, he was attending to the sick and needy at some other place, Gujarat I think, at that time)

I was aghast at her thought processes and was discussing this with my wife at night, when she told me of something similar that happened in her office the same day. And this got me thinking as to what are we really valuing in life...Money? Gifts? Or one's company and loving deeds? Do we want to equate the importance we give to the person to the quantum of money contributed to farewell gifts? 

The nature of man to want material things is probably at its peak now. And I see it everywhere. Spouses smile more at the sight of more expensive gifts, children love that guest at their birthday party that brings in the biggest car, and so on. Gifting has become synonymous with love and I don't have a problem with that. Not gifting or not gifting much is frowned upon in some quarters and that is the attitude we need to change. And we can change it, if we dig deep and think of what we really see as expressions of love. Whether we value the guy who sits late at night and offers to help you complete your work or do we value the other person who brings in a bottle of champagne when back from his trip to France? Does the spouse who gets back early from work, decks up the house, cooks great dinner, and keep his favourite movie ready any less than the spouse that swipes a card for an on-line purchase of his favourite perfume? 

Let us not measure love in terms of money and things. Love is subtle, is in the small things as much if not more in the bigger ones. Is in the small hand-written and designed note tucked on your PC saying 'Great job, Krish. Love you for ever and will miss you even beyond that' as much as it is in a Rs 1000 contribution to the farewell gift. By measuring love with money, we are just reducing the value of the emotion to numbers. Let us learn to love and recognise love!