This is my take on the wildly popuar TV series, The Office. The character list is shown below for your reference.
MS Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Scranton branch
RH Ryan Howard, Corporate employee, boss of MS
Jim Sales and Assistant Regional Manager, Scranton branch
DS Dwight Schrute, Sales, Scranton branch
AH Andy Howard, Sales, Scranton branch
Stanley Sales, Scranton branch
Pam Receptionist and Jim's girlfriend, Scranton branch
Phyllis Sales, Scranton branch
Toby HR, Scranton branch
Oscar Accounts and gay person, Scranton branch
(Regular working day at the Office. Phone ringing in the back ground, Pam busy as usual at her desk. Michael Scott walks in with a more than a usual smile on his face)
MS: Hello! Hello everyone...A trivia for you this morning...tell me who sung this beautiful song...
(Trying to sing in a high pitched Michael Jackson tone)
'What about children...
What about time...
What about all the things ..
That you..
(pauses to look at a piece of paper)
...said was yours and mine...'
(The room goes silent and everyone stares at Michael until Andy starts a chorus line)
AB: A-A-Aaa aaaa..
Ooo-Ooo-Oooo Oooo
MS: Bingo! The Earth song, by Michael Jackson, the greatest black rappers the world has seen
Jim: Actually, he was a pop artiste.
MS: Ah! Trust Jim to ignore the fortune and focus on the cookie... (continuing in the same breath) THAT is not the point! The man was a famous earth activist and we should honor his actions and celebrate Earth Day today.
DS and AB: Yeah! (together leaping and pumping their fists)
DS: Ok! Party planning committee, on the task. We need fifty paper plates and cups and...
MS: Dwight...
DS: (continues disregarding Michael) ...some spoons...
MS: Dwight, Dwight...stop it! I said Earth Day and not anti Earth Day. You are not supposed to use paper or plastic, that is the whole point.
Oscar: How are we supposed to make sales calls today then?
MS: Well, the gay man (Oscar frowns) comes up with a not-so-gay point! I have not thought about that yet, but a decision on that will be made soon.
Corporate Social Responsibility is about going that extra mile for the society. I have decided that we wont make sales calls today but rather, advise our claients to change to other devices to write on...like...something more modern. Stone tablets perhaps...
I dont think cutting down on sales calls is a good idea, especially with this entire talk of downsizing and the website doing more sales than us humans...It is a man-made disaster...
(Camera pans to Pam's face. She looks concerned as she nods vigorously in agreement)
MS: (On the phone with Jim) Ask everyone to be at the conference room in five minutes.
(Jim looks at the camera, amused)
(Conference room full of people. Michael has stuck the walls with pictures of cartoon tress holding 'Save Me' boards and crying as people are chopping them, of Kelly Kapoor eating with her hands, spoons kept beside her plates and so on)
MS: Am so glad to see my entire task force here, appreciating the need to save paper and plastic from becoming extinct. The Chinese discovered paper a long time ago...
AB: You mean 'invented' ?
MS: Please stop interrupting me Andy. It all means the same (fishes out his cell phone and reads from it)
The Chineses discovered paper a long time ago. But we had a lot of trees back then. But ever since, we have been acting irresponsibly and using paper for everything – presentations like these...
(Fumbles with his phone for some more murmuring 'why cant they accomodate more in text messages')
...tissues etcetera. And that is causing the paper population in the world to deplete.
(People look at one another in that disbelief that they are hearing all this)
So today, we are going to avoid using paper for anything at all. I want all of you to hard sell 'alternative writing meda' to all outbound sales calls and incoming customer service calls.
Phyllis: (With a coke can in hand) But do you think this is a good idea? You yourself mentioned Corporate talking of downsizing the workforce...
MS: Phyllis, you have been talking of downsizing yourself for long, but that Coke aint helping!
(Phyllis looks stunned. Toby shakes his head)
MS: Ok! Ok! I was just kidding. (murmurs 'Cant you people take a joke?')
Anyway, back to the topic now... it is just for one day, we will catch up with our numbers tomorrow.
Any other suggestions for Earth Day? Kelly, Indians are known to eat with their hands and shun the spoon. Can you talk abou that? Maybe we white people (sweeps a pointed finger at the people in the room, ends at Stanley where he bends down the finger) can learn something from you guys for a change.
(People leave the room, their faces filled with a mixture of amusement and disgust)
(Her mouth is full of rice and some of it is spilling out by the sides. She has a wide grin as she says...) I just told them how much I like eating with my hands from time to time.
(Over at Corporate, a new situation is brewing...David Wallace, the CFO, has summoned Ryan to his office)
DW: Ryan, how is the website stuff going on? Obviously you did a good job there, but are people really using it?
RH: Of course David. Considering that not all our customers yet know that we are now Online, the website is doing a good job. Since the time we engaged in this dynamic marketing strategy, the numbers have gone up.
DW: Enough to justify the cost of maintaining and marketing the site? Revisit the idea cos your personal sales numbers are yet to reach monthly targets.
(Over at Scranton)
Pam: (On the phone) One moment Ryan (Transfers call to Michael)
MS: (Plays 'Earth Song' near the receiver)
RH: Mic..Michael, what is this? I have to talk to you, this is urgent.
MS: 'Happy Earth Day, Earthling!
I am the saviour of paper,
here to make sure your grandchildrens' world is safer!
RH: Michael, I dont know what you are talking about, but our website is down.
MS: I am tackling a bigger threat than that here, like trees falling down, but anyway, how can I help you with the website?
RH: I need you to talk to our folks at Scranton. Talk to Dwight, Andy, Jim, the entire sales team and get them going at full speed. We got to cover for the down time of the website by selling more. We have to 'up' our numbers today.
MS: Whoa! Whoa! We are celebrating Earth Day here and that means no paper sales today.
RH: Michael, who authorised you to do that? This is not acceptable.
MS: Well, I have spoken to Toby who says that Dunder Mifflin has to do something for the society every year and so, I am well within my rights to do this. In fact, I just thought of it. I am making this Earth Week, so we will celebrate for a week and not just a day. (winks at camera)
(Meanwhile, Dwight is attending customer calls)
Customer: Hi we are running short of stock. I was expecting a call from you guys and since I didnt receive one, I thought I'd call and confirm a batch delivery.
DS: Sorry sir. Starting today, till today, we wont be delivering paper to anyone. We are going to become environmentally responsible today and suggest you consider alternate objects to write upon.
Customer: What do you mean? What else would I write on?
DS: Our boss texted his entire speech transcript to himself and read out from it today morning. You can follow the example that he has set to the world.
Customer: You hvae got to be kidding me!
DS: Absolutely not. Maybe you could consider cardboard cartons then.
Customer: This is it. We are through doing business with you.
DS: That is awfully sad. We hate to see you go, but urge you to call back tomorrow when we will indeed be taking orders for paper.
Customer: You guys are impossible (Slams down the phone)
(Andy rushes to a white board in the middle of the room updates a table that indicates number of sales calls declined and the corresponding number of trees saved)
(Back at Michael's office)
RH: (in exasperation) Ok! What do you want me to do?
MS: You could come down to Scranton and personally request me to resume Earth Day and discontinue Earth Week.
RH: Are you crazy Michael? It is a 3 hours drive.
MS: Yes, it IS tiring, but only if you are driving your brand new, expensive, fuel guzzling, ozone blasting toy...which...you will NOT DO on Earth Day.
RH: Then how on earth do I come there?
Oh yes! I am the boss indeed, and totally in control of my crew. (A beggar pushes past him and Ryan loses balance for a moment. He looks ruffled when he turns towards the camera again) I cant go and tell David what is happening. He might come to a conclusion that I am not handling things well enough. I have got to get to Scranton and sort things out.
(Ryan arrives completely tired, his clothes are crumpled and his hair is awful. People have gathered in groups and are gossipping)
RH: Guys, what is happening here? Our productivity is at an all time low right now!
MS: (Emerging from his office) Ah! Welcome to Scranton, my friend. Can you smell the green of the grass? Can't you feel the freshness already?
RH: Let us talk at your office.
(Camera pans to the door of the ladies room)
Pam: (screaming from inside) Where is the toilet paper?
MS Michael Scott, Regional Manager, Scranton branch
RH Ryan Howard, Corporate employee, boss of MS
Jim Sales and Assistant Regional Manager, Scranton branch
DS Dwight Schrute, Sales, Scranton branch
AH Andy Howard, Sales, Scranton branch
Stanley Sales, Scranton branch
Pam Receptionist and Jim's girlfriend, Scranton branch
Phyllis Sales, Scranton branch
Toby HR, Scranton branch
Oscar Accounts and gay person, Scranton branch
(Regular working day at the Office. Phone ringing in the back ground, Pam busy as usual at her desk. Michael Scott walks in with a more than a usual smile on his face)
MS: Hello! Hello everyone...A trivia for you this morning...tell me who sung this beautiful song...
(Trying to sing in a high pitched Michael Jackson tone)
'What about children...
What about time...
What about all the things ..
That you..
(pauses to look at a piece of paper)
...said was yours and mine...'
(The room goes silent and everyone stares at Michael until Andy starts a chorus line)
AB: A-A-Aaa aaaa..
Ooo-Ooo-Oooo Oooo
MS: Bingo! The Earth song, by Michael Jackson, the greatest black rappers the world has seen
Jim: Actually, he was a pop artiste.
MS: Ah! Trust Jim to ignore the fortune and focus on the cookie... (continuing in the same breath) THAT is not the point! The man was a famous earth activist and we should honor his actions and celebrate Earth Day today.
DS and AB: Yeah! (together leaping and pumping their fists)
DS: Ok! Party planning committee, on the task. We need fifty paper plates and cups and...
MS: Dwight...
DS: (continues disregarding Michael) ...some spoons...
MS: Dwight, Dwight...stop it! I said Earth Day and not anti Earth Day. You are not supposed to use paper or plastic, that is the whole point.
Oscar: How are we supposed to make sales calls today then?
MS: Well, the gay man (Oscar frowns) comes up with a not-so-gay point! I have not thought about that yet, but a decision on that will be made soon.
Michael Scott – To the camera, sitting in his office
Corporate Social Responsibility is about going that extra mile for the society. I have decided that we wont make sales calls today but rather, advise our claients to change to other devices to write on...like...something more modern. Stone tablets perhaps...
Jim – To the camera, Pam by his side, in the cafeteria
I dont think cutting down on sales calls is a good idea, especially with this entire talk of downsizing and the website doing more sales than us humans...It is a man-made disaster...
(Camera pans to Pam's face. She looks concerned as she nods vigorously in agreement)
MS: (On the phone with Jim) Ask everyone to be at the conference room in five minutes.
(Jim looks at the camera, amused)
(Conference room full of people. Michael has stuck the walls with pictures of cartoon tress holding 'Save Me' boards and crying as people are chopping them, of Kelly Kapoor eating with her hands, spoons kept beside her plates and so on)
MS: Am so glad to see my entire task force here, appreciating the need to save paper and plastic from becoming extinct. The Chinese discovered paper a long time ago...
AB: You mean 'invented' ?
MS: Please stop interrupting me Andy. It all means the same (fishes out his cell phone and reads from it)
The Chineses discovered paper a long time ago. But we had a lot of trees back then. But ever since, we have been acting irresponsibly and using paper for everything – presentations like these...
(Fumbles with his phone for some more murmuring 'why cant they accomodate more in text messages')
...tissues etcetera. And that is causing the paper population in the world to deplete.
(People look at one another in that disbelief that they are hearing all this)
So today, we are going to avoid using paper for anything at all. I want all of you to hard sell 'alternative writing meda' to all outbound sales calls and incoming customer service calls.
Phyllis: (With a coke can in hand) But do you think this is a good idea? You yourself mentioned Corporate talking of downsizing the workforce...
MS: Phyllis, you have been talking of downsizing yourself for long, but that Coke aint helping!
(Phyllis looks stunned. Toby shakes his head)
MS: Ok! Ok! I was just kidding. (murmurs 'Cant you people take a joke?')
Anyway, back to the topic now... it is just for one day, we will catch up with our numbers tomorrow.
Any other suggestions for Earth Day? Kelly, Indians are known to eat with their hands and shun the spoon. Can you talk abou that? Maybe we white people (sweeps a pointed finger at the people in the room, ends at Stanley where he bends down the finger) can learn something from you guys for a change.
(People leave the room, their faces filled with a mixture of amusement and disgust)
Kelly Kapoor – To camera from the cafeteria
(Her mouth is full of rice and some of it is spilling out by the sides. She has a wide grin as she says...) I just told them how much I like eating with my hands from time to time.
(Over at Corporate, a new situation is brewing...David Wallace, the CFO, has summoned Ryan to his office)
DW: Ryan, how is the website stuff going on? Obviously you did a good job there, but are people really using it?
RH: Of course David. Considering that not all our customers yet know that we are now Online, the website is doing a good job. Since the time we engaged in this dynamic marketing strategy, the numbers have gone up.
DW: Enough to justify the cost of maintaining and marketing the site? Revisit the idea cos your personal sales numbers are yet to reach monthly targets.
(Over at Scranton)
Pam: (On the phone) One moment Ryan (Transfers call to Michael)
MS: (Plays 'Earth Song' near the receiver)
RH: Mic..Michael, what is this? I have to talk to you, this is urgent.
MS: 'Happy Earth Day, Earthling!
I am the saviour of paper,
here to make sure your grandchildrens' world is safer!
RH: Michael, I dont know what you are talking about, but our website is down.
MS: I am tackling a bigger threat than that here, like trees falling down, but anyway, how can I help you with the website?
RH: I need you to talk to our folks at Scranton. Talk to Dwight, Andy, Jim, the entire sales team and get them going at full speed. We got to cover for the down time of the website by selling more. We have to 'up' our numbers today.
MS: Whoa! Whoa! We are celebrating Earth Day here and that means no paper sales today.
RH: Michael, who authorised you to do that? This is not acceptable.
MS: Well, I have spoken to Toby who says that Dunder Mifflin has to do something for the society every year and so, I am well within my rights to do this. In fact, I just thought of it. I am making this Earth Week, so we will celebrate for a week and not just a day. (winks at camera)
(Meanwhile, Dwight is attending customer calls)
Customer: Hi we are running short of stock. I was expecting a call from you guys and since I didnt receive one, I thought I'd call and confirm a batch delivery.
DS: Sorry sir. Starting today, till today, we wont be delivering paper to anyone. We are going to become environmentally responsible today and suggest you consider alternate objects to write upon.
Customer: What do you mean? What else would I write on?
DS: Our boss texted his entire speech transcript to himself and read out from it today morning. You can follow the example that he has set to the world.
Customer: You hvae got to be kidding me!
DS: Absolutely not. Maybe you could consider cardboard cartons then.
Customer: This is it. We are through doing business with you.
DS: That is awfully sad. We hate to see you go, but urge you to call back tomorrow when we will indeed be taking orders for paper.
Customer: You guys are impossible (Slams down the phone)
(Andy rushes to a white board in the middle of the room updates a table that indicates number of sales calls declined and the corresponding number of trees saved)
(Back at Michael's office)
RH: (in exasperation) Ok! What do you want me to do?
MS: You could come down to Scranton and personally request me to resume Earth Day and discontinue Earth Week.
RH: Are you crazy Michael? It is a 3 hours drive.
MS: Yes, it IS tiring, but only if you are driving your brand new, expensive, fuel guzzling, ozone blasting toy...which...you will NOT DO on Earth Day.
RH: Then how on earth do I come there?
Ryan – In front of camera, standing inside a train
Oh yes! I am the boss indeed, and totally in control of my crew. (A beggar pushes past him and Ryan loses balance for a moment. He looks ruffled when he turns towards the camera again) I cant go and tell David what is happening. He might come to a conclusion that I am not handling things well enough. I have got to get to Scranton and sort things out.
(Ryan arrives completely tired, his clothes are crumpled and his hair is awful. People have gathered in groups and are gossipping)
RH: Guys, what is happening here? Our productivity is at an all time low right now!
MS: (Emerging from his office) Ah! Welcome to Scranton, my friend. Can you smell the green of the grass? Can't you feel the freshness already?
RH: Let us talk at your office.
Michael – To camera, sitting in a green lawn
Initially, it was difficult to convince the employees, but we have to, and will adapt to changes. And these changes will give Dunder Mifflin and any company for that matter, a good status in the society (Customer is shown ordering paper from Staples). Ryan is going to take the good news back to corporate where his personal records will probably be updated positively (David Wallace is shown giving Ryan a earful pointing at his sales graphs), the society will enjoy a plastic free environment (Kelly is shown gulping another scoop of rice in that ungainly way, while others around her look at her in disgust).
(Camera pans to the door of the ladies room)
Pam: (screaming from inside) Where is the toilet paper?
Housekeeping guy – on camera
Michael said 'just one roll a day!'
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